This all started 7/20/11 when I recieved a phone call......."YOU HAVE BREAST CANCER". Now needless to say I wasn't really expecting that, and I sat on the back step looking across the playground and up towards the sky, thinking "ok what now". And for the last 5 months it's been an unusal journey so to speak. Now I'm a nurse by profession, and I'm use to the patient side of this type of diagnosis and how I can assist them. But for me to hear this was very different. And within this time frame I've gone thur numerous test, met several physicians who would now be known as my "medical team".
But what's crawling my nerves is I'M UPSET! I'M HURT! and I really want to SCREAM!!!!
I have family support and support of friends, but deep down I seems not ones there. I had one day that I brought down weeks ago, and last night this anger came over me.......
I HEAR " you will get thur this, it's will all be ok, been there, done that,God won't put more on you than you can bear."
But why???? Why is this happening to me........why does it hurt.........why do I cry myself to sleep........only to get up in the morning as if nothing is going on inside......
It's hard, soooooooooooo very hard.
Faith!, yes I have faith........but I have emotions and feelings and that's the driving force of the madness I have inside.......I want to know it's ok, to be mad, ok to curse, ok to feel so helpless on occassions, to wanna say, "Im sick of this" and not feel quilty.
